A few years ago I wrote a piece, how to treat a woman as a Goddess, which was well received. It has taken me a few years to write the male counterpart of that piece. I think this is probably because of my own being a servant of Goddess used to giving more than receiving. I now feel I am finally in a place that I can write this piece. So here goes.
Before I share some bullet points I need to express something. I feel most of us men; especially those of us who have done a fair bit of work on ourselves love the idea of being claimed if not “owned” by a woman we are in love with. Visually speaking I feel like a lil dog at the feet of my Goddess whose greatest desire is to bring his “mistress” happiness by serving her every need. “at her feet” I feel happiest. Seeing her being impacted, moved, supported is my greatest joy.
So ladies here are some ways that I think I as a man would like to be treated to honour the divine masculine in me.
Let me in, by being vulnerable to me so I can support you, when I have helped you, brought you pleasure, alleviated your pain, gotten you a gift treat me as a hero, make a show of how much you appreciate what I have done for you. Remember I am that lil dog that would love to bring that stick back for you, every time you do show how much it meant to you, how happy it made you. And I would be ready to do it for you another hundred times.
Always be yourself, be authentic to who are and don’t change your core qualities just to please me. Respect my core qualities and my authentic expression in the world and don’t try to change me either.
Don’t ever take me for granted, don’t treat me as if I don’t have a heart, as if I don’t have emotions, as if I don’t get hurt, as if I don’t feel pain. Don’t buy into the propaganda that the only emotions I can feel are anger and frustration. That stuff is bunch of lies. Be nice to my lil boy inside me. Remember just because I may not express all the hurt that I feel it doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything.
Here is one which is very different for us men and you ladies. I for one like to be treated as a sex object. Most guys I know do too. Unless you are Brad Pitt or some Rock Star who is tired of that attitude, we men like to be considered sexy. I feel the greatest compliment I can hear is that I am sexy, not intelligent, not funny, but sexy. So if you want to make me feel speical, make me feel sexy, say that I am sexy. Treat me as such.
Because you consider me sexy take care of your appearance, don’t take it for granted that I am in love with you, so you wouldn’t have to worry how you look. Again we are different here ladies, I am very shallow, and I know a lot of men who are shallow too. So please don’t become careless about how you look. Every time I see you bring the best of you and I try to do the same. And please don’t let me lose the beautiful mystery that you are by acting too crassly, and carelessly. Every time I see you its like going to honeymoon for me, I want to bring my best and like to see your best.
Enjoy my sense of humour. Understand that impressing you and making you laugh is very important to me. But don’t just humour me. If I truly make you laugh let me see it, and If I don’t, I like to know about that too.
Although I would love to treat you, buy you gifts, shower you with enjoyable experiences don’t treat me as if I am just a wallet. Yes according to the dominant culture men’s role is to be a provider. And I would love to be able to give you beautiful experiences, but don’t take this for granted. Don’t demand it, rather be appreciative and grateful for me bringing you gifts, and I wouldn’t be able to wait to get you another one and yet another one.
Find out my language of love. Gary Chapman says there are 5 languages of love we have. Touch, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Words of Appreciation. Find what my top languages of love are and show your appreciation of me by using my language of love not yours. So if my top languages of love are Touch and Quality Time, and your top languages of love are Acts of Service and Gifts, don’t think that cleaning my house is gonna be the best way for you show your appreciation for me so when I ask to cuddle with you, you would be too tired having worked so hard.
Get to know me as a human being with many dimensions, don’t think all men want to watch football and drink beer. Get to know what I am all about, and then support me and encourage me to achieve my highest light. I will do everything I can to help you soar, and be the greatest you can be. I ask you to do the same for me. Support me, show interest in what I do, and be excited by it. If I have a band and perform, come and see me rock. If I like to talk about quantum mechanics, learn about it so we can have an engaging conversation, where I, the lil dog, would love to do nothing more than impressing the “mistress” you by blowing your mind.
Be sexually responsive to me. Tell me what you like and what you don’t like in bed. If I don’t have responses on your end when I make love to you, it would be like driving a car with no rear view mirror. We won’t get too far. Please don’t fake it with me. I want to see if I genuinely rock your world so I can get you more and more pleasure. Faking it would not serve either of us.
Lovingly hold your boundaries. If I ask you to do something don’t just say yes if your heart is not in it. Unconscious permissioning by your lukewarm yes and my not getting where you are coming from is a huge cause of pain. Say yes to me when you are a hell yes, and No when you are a hell No. If I don’t know you hell No I would never really know your hell yes.
This could be hard for you but please try to speak your requests clearly, and not circuitously and indirectly. As a man if I am inside a room and it is cold I would say please close the window. So if we are out together and you are hungry don’t just ask me if I am hungry, please tell me you are hungry. I know we have different communication styles. I would try to pick up as much as I can on your indirect requests, but on your end please make an effort to be more direct. One of the most attractive qualities in a woman is for me not to have to decipher every single sentence she says.
Please understand I am not a mind reader, and a lot of times I don’t see what needs to be done. I also don’t always know what I did wrong for which I need to be sorry for. If you need something done please ask me clearly, on my end I would try to become more cognizant of these things, but the less I need to be a mind reader the more we can actually work well as a team.
Learn about my body, discover what I enjoy done to me sexually and surprise me by doing those things to me. Always be learning about what I enjoy the way I am constantly learning how to please you.
Please don’t use sarcasm with me. Sarcasm is caused by negativity and it causes a ton of hurt. If you find I don’t exercise a lot don’t call me Mr Athlete. Come out and plainly speak what you feel.
Make me feel I am worth it by giving us a chance after having fights, and arguments. Remember if we don’t fight, that means we have grown too indifferent to bring up what is bothering us. So don’t pull out of our fights, and don’t leave when things get tough.
Be ready to have tough undefended and yes at times draining conversations. Without having these conversations after our arguments we have no way of course correction and we would quickly drift apart.
Last but not least don’t think our relationship is a death sentence. Stay with me as long as we keep growing. The moment you feel we are no longer growing together, or you are not growing, love yourself, and love me enough to talk about it at first, and if all fails, yes pleas leave. That would be the only way for us to go back to the path of healing and growth, recovery and maybe even getting together once again.